Invisibility is the worst
Every day I struggle with the feeling as if I am invisible. I hate to be depressing on this blog, but I just can’t shake some things off. I am tired of seeing men just being attracted to me without making a move. I’m tired of living in a bubble of dreams, I’m tired in living in a false reality, I’m tired of having my hopes being dashed because of unrealistic dreams. I’m tired of this dimensionality, of promises being made, promises being broken. I want so many things, but all too unrealistic. I have my faith, I know I am not alone, yet, I feel like I am a speck of dust. I love my friends, my classes, my dreams, but right now in my life it seems all to fictionalized. My soul yearns to be back up in the heavens, and united but it must stay down here because of societies limitations and my human body – which I hate. I try to smile, and laugh it off every day as I focus on my school work, learning as much as I can about design and life, but sometimes I just need more than that. I was not meant to find a mate, or to have a social life, I was born into reality to be indepentant, to be a visionary… maybe its just my Pluto in Scorpio leaching out on me… maybe it’s just that time of month =/
I did absolutely nothing today besides working on the designs from last post. I woke up at 2:30 pm took a shower, got lunch/dinner and began working on the 12 name tag designs finished that in roughly 3 hours cooked a pasta dinner in the microwave and I’m here now. I guess I could write an article for FHFRONTIER but that’s all I do, write articles, that thing needs some action and if things do not go as planned it will never go up off the ground or I will go back to looking for grants for it. I think I need to start full emersing myself in my art as a way for escape from the reality that surrounds me. I used to care about making my weekend life fulfilled but its come to a point that I simply don’t care if I do end up sleeping all day. Though the one thing I do need to do is go and deposit a few cheques for my student account…
Don’t worry about me, I’m just going through one of those days…
This song is awesome: